watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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