NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
