Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
