I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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