I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
