...so i touched it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
