I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
