Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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