An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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