Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
