Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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