Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize