I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
