Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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