Buhtt sex?
i think my mom watched the whole time
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
