U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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