Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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