I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
