I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
