Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
