her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
