She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
