worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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