friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize