And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
