if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
