my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
