He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
