Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
