His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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