I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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