Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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