I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
