O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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