you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize