you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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