don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
