I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
