Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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