On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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