Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
