This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
