Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
