the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
