just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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