No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
