the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
