You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
