my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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