What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
