I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
