what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
