Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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