I CAN MOONWALK!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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