1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
