I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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