My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
