Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
