Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
