My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize