worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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