i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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