Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
