I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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