bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How's work?
Spinning.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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