why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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