you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
