You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I am available for nakedness
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
