how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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