White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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