Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
