I cannot find my penis.
My hand turned me down
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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