Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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