So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
