I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
