I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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