we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
