booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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