I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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