remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
