Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
