I CAN MOONWALK!
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you never un-have a 4some
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Why is there bacon in the couch?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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