I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
