She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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