He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize