I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
