Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize