just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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