maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
