none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
