i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
