is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
