I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize