it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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