dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
