theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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