Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
