So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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