Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she looked like the before picture.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
smell my finger.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
