If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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