Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
