he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
