I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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