May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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