Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
